When we last spoke, I had moved in with Older Anal-Retentive Vegetarian and was dealing with her following me around the house, criticizing me, whenever I left my room. (You may remember that I have Asperger’s, or High Functioning Autism.) I’d retreated entirely to my room, eating only foods that take less than a minute to prepare. She never left the house. Any other roommate would leave the house occasionally, allowing me to leave my room and utilize the kitchen or laundry. I was like a cat trapped under a strange couch. A friend stopped by to see me on Mother’s Day and OARV was so angry at me. If I went out at night, I had to stay out til morning. I couldn’t have friends over. There were a thousand rules. I decided to leave. When I told her I was moving, in accordance with my month-to-month lease, she got mad and said, “I’m keeping your deposit,” and that’s exactly what she did. She sent me an itemized list of “damages” with photos of specks of dust, smears, etc. I was only there three months, there’s no way I did that much damage. She did send me a check for $4.50, I guess just to be insulting. I did not cash it yet.
I’ve been putting off asking for help. I hate doing it, and I so appreciate your generosity, with friendship and kindness as well as dollars. The good news is, I left my caregiver agency and now work independently for the state. This comes with a $2.65 raise! And I joined the union! This hefty raise will put me right below 135% of the poverty level, so I can keep my Medicaid. It’s very important that I not make too much money because my Oregon Health Plan is nearly irreplaceable. I would need a VERY good job just to break even. But I’m thinking about returning to counseling. I miss it. And I think I am strong enough to try, at least. It’s time to live the rest of my life and leave the past behind. I CAN DO THAT.
For now, though, I have to ask for help. If you can spare it, five dollars is a lot of money to me. When you’re used to having nothing, a little means a lot. I need to pay half my rent, pay my car insurance, get Leonard’s medication, and food. (My food stamps were cut a couple months ago; thanks, Trump.) So I need about $500, which coincidentally was the amount of my lost deposit. If you use PayPal, my email address is leannemnorth(at)gmail.com. Or click here. If you’ve been reading my work, and you want to become a patron, click here for Patreon. I have only one patron, so hi, Patron! I appreciate your support!
The good news is, my new place is wonderful. My lovely roommate Matt is laid-back and easy to get along with. Also, he leaves the house daily. Sometimes he’s even gone a few days. If I left a cabinet door open, why, I think he would simply shut it without lecturing me about it. Lenny can go out into the backyard whenever he wants, he LOVES it here. There’s even a squirrel to chase that fusses at him. I can put my plants wherever I want in the back yard and we have a clothesline! I can hang out outside and even have friends over! I can use the kitchen whenever I want! And, get this: I can spend my time in the living room! That’s right, for the first time in many years, I am not confined to my bedroom. I only sleep there. I have space for my sewing machines and all my craft stuff. It’s like paradise!
Thank you so much for being my support system, my community. It’s wonderful to have a community where it doesn’t matter how weird I am, or if I’m disabled physically, mentally, or emotionally; I still feel accepted. And all of the positive changes that I’ve been able to make to my situation over the past few years have been because of you guys, lifting me up, giving me feedback on my ideas, guiding me, and generally being there, in place of the family that I don’t have. You give me courage to try to keep going and improve things even more, perhaps by returning to my field. It’s so hard to escape the mire of a traumatic past; but I will keep reaching out, and hopefully moving up. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.