Due to an error on my paperwork, I’m not getting paid this week. Or next week. I don’t know when. I’m trying not to freak out about it, but there are several things that are urgent. As Leonard’s fans know, he has an issue with his anal glands. I called to schedule a butt squeeze, and there was a recording saying the low-income vet has closed. Permanently. So I’ve been trying to find a new vet, but they all want to do a full exam before treating him. He also has fleas, I’ve been bathing him every day to try to keep him comfortable, but he usually takes the anti-flea med. A visit to the vet always seems to cost about $300. He also needs his anti-itchy meds urgently, which is $50.
If you’ve been following my story, you may remember that I have to keep my income below the poverty level in order to stay on Medicaid, which Oregon kindly expanded, because I am disabled. Yes, I could apply for disability, but I have this weird theory that I can take care of myself with a little support. I live with depression and anxiety, and am diagnosed with PTSD, and am blessed with Aspergers syndrome, which tends to put me out of step with society. Here in Oregon, I’ve been able to grow a lot. I have a counselor who is actually helping me. But dealing with my childhood traumas, and working on my social isolation, these are very difficult things that I’m doing. I’m like a duck: everything is happening below the surface.
Bad things happen, seemingly more often to me. Paychecks are delayed, but rent is due. I reached out to my estranged mother and daughter, but was rejected. The car desperately needs tires; my spare is dead. My new clients are unruly. I haven’t been able to establish a routine, which is hard for me. I’m dealing with my setbacks much better than I used to, though. My bestie Blue is proud of me; “That was only a little freakout,” she said last night, when I found out I’m not getting paid. “You’re getting better.” But it’s so hard, y’all. Emotional pain comes out of nowhere like a black wave, and I have to push back against it, or be overwhelmed. I am getting better. But the mental price is very high. And it just takes time, there’s no rushing it.
I need help; my situation is bad. If you can spare a few dollars, I would be incredibly grateful, and so would Leonard. Even five bucks is a lot of money right now. My roommate has to pay the rent and I need to give him something, at least half. And gas and food for two weeks. My goal is $600 but if I can just get Leonard taken care of, I won’t be so worried. It’s astonishing, the toll poverty takes on one’s mental health. Here’s my PayPal link or you can use my email, which is leannemnorth (at) gmail.com. I have a brand new Patreon with no patrons yet; I’ve been doing a lot of the kind of writing you burn afterwards, and bury the ashes. But soon I’ll be back to writing I can share.
Thoughts and prayers are good too. Thank you all so much, just for being there, and hearing me. I’m trying to become less isolated, but I still depend on all of you being here every day, coming together in fellowship, towards a better life for us all. I couldn’t handle these times without you. Thank you.